Thursday, September 02, 2010

I find myself missing The Flake. I am not trying to romanticize the past, but I'd rather be hit than ignored. I feel so hollow and empty that I'd take any feeling over what I feel now. I'd put a cigarette out on my arm, just to feel something. Because I cannot stand the way I feel inside right now.

I have a friend going through a rough breakup right now. I've had him staying at my house for almost two weeks. He doesn't have to be alone this way, and I have someone here. So, when I wake up with cold sweats and night terrors, I can just look at the other couch and know that I am not alone. He needs my friendship and I need someone here who won't judge me.

I have spent over two years trying to pick up the pieces of my life after it shattered. I can't blame The Flake for that. After all, it's my life, and I am in charge of it, right? But every time I think I might be interested in a boy, I think back to all the heartbreak and emotional terror and I just can't. I don't think I will ever love again.

It's been heavy on my mind because I'm coming up on an anniversary of sorts.

I wonder if I'll ever feel whole again?