Oh my god, Wicked was so good. Mew mew mew sew good! Like, I would happily go see it again. So, if someone wants to buy me a ticket, that'd be great.

"Heather," my momz says to me, "I think you're still bitter about the divorce."

Oh, momz! No, I'm not. Relationships end every single day, and it was time for that one to end. I'll tell you what I *am* still bitter about: my mixer.

Now, since most of you know me in my for real life, you probably rolled your eyes when you read that, because most of you have heard about my mixer. Repeatedly. It infuriates me to this day.

When it was splitting up stuff time, The Ex and I were trying to be as amicable as possible, given that we were in the midst of a divorce. We were in the kitchen.

"I want the dishes.", I said.

"I want the silverware.", he replied.

It was humming along nicely like that. Until... we came to the mixer. Not just any mixer. A Kitchen-Aid Artisan stand mixer, in grape. It had been a Valentine's present, and here it was June, and suddenly, what had been amicable got ugly. I didn't fight about much of the stuff. The Ex had his toys, and I had mine. But this mixer, despite being in my signature shade of purple, was something he now felt he couldn't live without.

"I want the mixer.", he said.

"You want the mixer?", I snorted back.

"I want the mixer; I bake cookies. What do you bake?"

"You want my purple mixer?!?"

"I bake things. You don't."

I stood silent and angry for about 20 seconds. Then, I said some things which can't be reprinted here. And then I walked out of the kitchen. I hope it broke on him.

They don't even make that color anymore.