Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Please excuse Heather from her absence these past weeks. She's had a bad case of the fuckits and hasn't felt like writing. Thank you.

I have this thing where I get into such a dark mood, that even writing doesn't feel right. Mostly, when I write, it's to retell stories and to put a humourous spin on the roller coaster that is my life. It's cathartic and therapeutic for me.

But sometimes, I just don't want to feel better. I want to wallow in my sad. I want to stay on the couch in my underpants and watch Nightmare Before Christmas 1000 times and drink an entire pot of coffee through my tears.

My mom is coming to visit next week. At least, she says she is. I can't shake the feeling that she'll call me on Monday and tell me that something came up and she can't make it. She has a bad habit of doing that. I know that it's not malicious, but it does tend to make me feel that she doesn't give a shit about me. I moved into Du II in May. In that time, she's been to Alaska, Montana, North Carolina, Puerto Rico, the Caribbean (all the Saint islands: Thomas, Maarten, etc.), Florida and Vegas. I may be forgetting some. So, it hurts my widdle feewings that she can fly all over the damn world, but can't find the time to drive four hours up here to see me. She and my Nanny are supposed to arrive on the 10th. I remain unconvinced.

I was trying to hold to my job through the end of the year, and transfer to the East Coast, and be closer to my best friend and back to the part of the country from whence I hail. As of next week, I am officially middle-aged, and for some reason, I want to go "home", where ever that may be. But I can barely stay afloat there. I'm struggling to pay bills. It's just a cluster. I've tried speaking to the bosses about what I don't love about our job, and ways that it could be improved. But I've come to realize that the managers just don't give a damn, and I've long known that if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself.

I'm a hard worker, a talented server, and have more than a little wine knowledge. Any one want to hire me?

I'm going to go with "no", after all that blah blah blah whiney-cakes.