It's time again for some letters.
Dear Combat Trainer~
Please stop making jokes about what a great couple we would make. I don't want to date you. I want you to make me into a badass. It's my fault for letting our conversations turn to work and other personal nonsense. But just to be clear, I want you to teach me to punch and kick and throw elbows and whatnot. That's where our relationship ends. Thanks for understanding.
Dear Guy Buddy Who is Constantly Forgetting His Wallet~
I'm onto you. I've seen this from you enough to know that when you say "let me take you to lunch" or "let me take you to a movie" that what will happen is as follows. After I repeatedly tell you that I'd rather not go out, since I'm saving money for a vacation, you tell me you've got me covered. And finally, I will relent. And we'll get to the ticket counter or the bill for dinner will come, and suddenly, you'll widen your eyes and say "you're not going to believe this..." and then tell me your wallet is in your other pants or that you thought you had $50 but you've got $7. You're right. I'm not going to believe you anymore. I'm also not going out with you anymore unless I have money. And since I'm on a tight budget these days, that means I'll smell ya later, man. Smell ya later forever.
Yesterday is the last time you'll get to cancel on me. You just just used up all your turns. Sorry. Go back to the start, and best of luck next time. We do have some lovely parting gifts for you. Please enjoy this case of Turtle Wax and this $10 gift certificate to Blockbuster.
In other news, since Ulysses joined our household, I've bought him several toys, to ensure that he gets exercise, so he is healthy, because that's what the intertubes said you need for healthy cats: toys so they'll get exercise. So, I bought some amorphous thing with puffball feet that dangles from a string, a laser, a suction cup with two jingle bell, feathery birds. And what does he do with them? He literally makes a "meh" noise, and then he goes and sits wherever the hell he wants to.