So, my job is...well, it is. I just want to come in, do a good job, make a decent living and then go home. I don't want to babysit. I don't want to be talked to like I'm less than human because I choose to wait tables. That's an important distinction, the word choose. I don't lack options. But I love waiting tables. I am hoping to take a second crack at the Level II somm test later this year. I like matching people up with good food and good wine. I get swept up in the proposals that happen (quite often, actually) in our restaurant, which is funny since I'm vehemently anti-marriage. I genuinely enjoy my job.

So please, fellow employees and patrons of my fine establishment, let's stick to a few rules. I will keep it short.

1) No touching - this applies to coworkers and most especially patrons. Keep your hands to yourself.

2) Be respectful - this also applies to both coworkers and patrons. Talking down to people does not make you better than them. In fact, it makes you look petty and insecure.

3) Do your job - this one is just for the coworkers. We all work at the same place. You know what you have to do. I know what I have to do. When you don't pull your weight, what happens is that someone else has to pull double. Making the back server do all the closing sidework while you are off eating or talking on your phone or doing anything other than working with your teammate to ensure that YOU BOTH can go do whatever you do when you're not working is not cool. Being a general fuck-up is not cool. Grow up and do your goddamned job.

I like those three. I may add more as life evolves, but these three: no touching, be respectful, and do your work. If I could get people to get on board with these three rules, it would certainly lessen my urge to hurl myself or someone else off the top of the tower where I work.