Thursday, May 01, 2008

I have come to a realization. If I have to beg you to make a decision, well, the decision has really already been made. It just didn't go my way.

I feel so much more free embracing this. This goes all the way back to my first boyfriend. I had to BEG him to choose me. I thought if he chose me, I would feel...something. I don't know. Victorious? Adored? Desired? Eventually, he picked me. And since we were all of 16, things quickly fell apart.

Adrian was the same. The Ex, too. And The Flake. I had to talk all of them into being mine and mine alone. I hate sharing.

I feel like Rob Gordon. It would be nice to think that things have changed since high school. But I can see now that things have remained basically the same. It's a pattern. In retrospect, anyone I have had to convince to be with me, was unworthy of the convincing.

You either want to be with me or you don't. Fish or cut bait. Shit or get off the pot. I refuse to wait around ever again for anyone to decide if they want me. Maybe *I* don't want *you* anymore.

Life is too short. Choose whatever is best for you. Just don't expect me to wait with bated breath for you. I am busy making my own choices.