Some friends of mine got married on Saturday. I bought a dress online to wear to their wedding. It arrived last Tuesday. The Nuge came over to offer womanly opinions, since Smang was out of town. It didn't fit. I tried sucking it waaaaaaaaaay in, but no, it was too small. I tried to take it to my tailor, to see if he could let it out in the bust (the place where it was so small, I couldn't breathe). He couldn't take it out. He said he could make it smaller, but there wasn't enough fabric to make it bigger in the boobs. Apparently, I've grown a rack. I had to send it back and find something else. Which meant a budget, because I blew my wad on the original dress, and I won't get my money back for 10 to 14 business days.

I ventured to Northpark Saturday. I found something perfect. On sale. Beautiful colors. Silk. A leetle bit short, but it worked because it's a wedding, and Saturday was a perfect day, meteorologically speaking. Straps that looked sturdy enough to hold up my now voluptuous bosom.

I also procured the wedding present while at the mall.

Fast forward to 6:30pm. I am on my way to the wedding. The present is in the back seat. On Northwest Highway, someone pulls in front of me. As I downshift, the present in the backseat moves toward the front seat. Instinctively, I throw up an elbow to block. As I do, in slow motion, I see the not-so-sturdy strap flit in front of my face. SONOFABITCH! I called work, asked if we had a sewing kit. I rushed in, so Steffie could help me. She pinned my dress. I drove very cautiously to the wedding.

I walked in, and when I went to hug the maid of honor, my strap flitted in front of face again. It even made a *boing* when the safety pin gave way. The MoH and I raced into the bathroom. We spent several minutes re-fixing my dress. Finally feeling secure, but keeping my wrap on my shoulders, just in case, we headed back out into the party.

I declined all dancing offers. I sat most of the evening, petrified of yet another wardrobe malfunction. The strap gave out one more time, but it was in the car, on the way home.

The most awesome part is, since the dress was on sale (60% off!), it's a final sale...can't be returned. And they charged my debit card twice for this stupid dress.

Should've gone to Sea World. Might've had a much better time.