Friday, July 08, 2005

Run away! Run away!

man! I give up! Seriously. I overslept again this a.m. I should have been at the studio at 5:45. I woke up at 6:34. I didn't go out & party last night. Although, since The Flake dumped me (AGAIN!), I *did* consider it. I stayed in. I went to bed a little later than usual (1am, as opposed to midnight). I am CERTAIN that Kurt & Jen will fire me. I deserve it, too. I am not going to make any excuses. I am just dreading the inevitible phone calls. I hate this feeling. I hate the way I feel in general, lately. I should just listen to my mom, tuck my tail between my legs and come home to Houston. I just don't want to. Nothing in that sentence appeals to me. I don't type it out and think "yeah, going home could be cool." I think, "wow, what a loser I am. What have I done to my life?"

T-minus five days and counting to new job. Still no new clothes. I hate spending money. Especially since I don't have any. I have a department store credit card that I can use, but I am so nervous about it. I will still be picking up at least a shift a week at the restaurant. Until my job is secure. I have made sure that I'm not burning any bridges with them. Don't know why I seem to be hellbent on burning the bridges at my yoga studio. Actually, that's not totally true. I have lost a lot of respect for the owners of my studio. Not so much Jen, although she's different to me now. It's more about Kurt. I don't even speak to him anymore and we used to be buddies. But he's pulled some things in the last month where I no longer view him as enlightened. He's a simple, pathetic man in my eyes now. He did something two weeks ago that shot my whole view on him. His sister even mentioned that she wanted to pull out of the studio. I don't think I would purposefully miss a class as revenge. That's not my style. But there it is. For the third time in two months, I overslept.

I should go back and nap, since I don't have to be at the restaurant for three more hours. But I am entirely too wound up to sleep.