Sunday, January 23, 2011

Why?

I just found out, via a status update on FB, that my cousin is dead. I hadn't spoken to him in almost three years, because of petty, stupid shit, and now he's gone forever. We were family compatriots. We had similar political and religious beliefs, which are diametrically opposed to the rest of our family.

I guess I'm so upset because I wasn't speaking to him, and now I'll never have the chance to speak to him again. I won't have someone to sneak out of family functions with me to go smoke pot. I won't have someone who gets that I avoid my family *because* I love them. I won't have my cousin.

Growing up, it was me, Seth & Tina. They are six weeks apart. And then there's a big gap, and then Tiffany and Michael. And Cousin Seth and I were very close. Many times in my life, I felt closer to him than I do to my seesters.

Cousin, I'm so sorry that you're gone. I hope it was peaceful, and you felt no pain. I am also sorry that I wasted many opportunities to talk to you. I wish I could take it back. And now you're gone and I'll never forgive myself for not talking to you one more time.

I am in shock, and don't know what the fuck to do now.