Tuesday, November 02, 2010

hardest day ever. I had some friends here to comfort me. I even had one friend offer to take Lucy, because he didn't want me to be too upset. I thanked him for his very loving gesture, but I had to be there at the end.

She & I went into a private room. They had the lights low, and a candle lit. They asked me if I wanted some water. They asked if Lucy wanted some water. She ate all the cookies that were in the room. They brought in more. The vet came in and examined her. She said you could feel several tumors, her glaucoma eye was closed, and she had a lot of gas and tenderness in belly, symptomatic of her intestinal cancer. The vet simply said "this is the right time, because it will not get better, only exponentially worse from here. Don't let her suffer anymore."

The vet gave Lucy a sedative, and she lay her head in my lap. Then she gave her whatever it is they euthanize dogs with. Within ten seconds, with 1/2 a dose, she was gone. She was so sick, it didn't even require a full dose. I talked to Lucy the whole time. Told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was that she hurt at all and that it was all going to be all right. The vet stayed in there with me for a few minutes after Lucy died. She asked me how I had gotten Lu. I told her the story. Then she explained that Lucy's eyes wouldn't close in death. And suddenly, I had to get out of that room. She gave me Lucy's collar. I donated her leash to them, because the vet said they always need them.

I insisted on going alone to take her in, but some of my friends were here at the house waiting for me. I cried a lot on the porch, smoked a few cigs, and came inside.

I keep expecting to hear the click of her toenails as she walks down the hall. Or to feel her come over and flop down at my feet. Or to go turn on the bedroom light and catch her in the cat's food.

I pick up her ashes tomorrow.

I've never been so sad. She was truly the best dog ever and she was loved very much.

I hope you enjoyed your time here, Lu. I certainly did.