I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't write. I can't think. I burst into tears randomly. I am lost. I just want to numb my pain. I am trying to cope. But I have gone from reasonably stable to hot fucking mess in a week and a half.

My feel-good movies aren't making me feel good. Getting my hair did last week didn't brighten my outlook. Buying a new fall Sephora by OPI nail polish didn't cheer me up.

I don't like this feeling. I am feeling like a side of me is showing that I should keep hidden. I don't want to be this person. I don't want my dog to die. I don't want to be a mess about it. I want to have my shit together, and not have people know what I'm thinking.

Also, I am putting off the inevitable appointment because it's like if I don't deal with it, then it's not happening.

Yeah, I'm in a totally healthy place.