Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Holy shit, I am depressed. I am not talking like I haz the sads. I mean like, I sit here and cry and don't want to leave my house. I can't find things to smile about. I can find plenty to be bummed about, and we all know that bitter or better is a hard choice to make. But, I seem to be siding with bitter increasingly. And I like it here. I can't remember what happy feels like. I've become accustomed to this. And so this has become comfortable.

I wish I had some sort of creative talent, so I could channel my energy somewhere useful. Yoga doesn't feel useful anymore. Serving people food & wine doesn't feel useful anymore. I was going to ask work if I could transfer to our Hawaii location, and then I remembered how pale and anti-sun I am. My back got all blotchy from the few minutes I spent in sunlight yesterday. I am not exaggerating, y'all. I rock pale. So then, I was all "well, maybe Vail is the way to go." And then I remembered how much I hate hate hate being cold. So, I sit here.

I'm so fucking frustrated with being me.