My mommy is having heart surgery in the morning. She's getting a pacemaker/defibrillator. I am trying really hard not to freak out hard. It isn't working. I keep thinking of how important my mommy is to me. I keep thinking of all the stuff we have yet to do together. I am taking her to NYC next April for her 60th birthday. Just me & her. We haven't had our first christmas without Grandma yet. We haven't ever done a lot of things.

Look, I get that this is a routine surgery. They do this type of stuff day in, day out. And she's going to one of the best hospitals in Houston. I shouldn't be worried. But I am. I can't stop wondering if I've told her enough how much she means to me.

If you read the blahg for any period of time, you're fully aware that I get mad at her. I'm human. But I also admire her more than any other person on this planet. She taught me so much. More than once, she went without so that I could have what I needed. She is my rock. She is my confidante. She is my first notion of beauty. I do ridiculous things to make her laugh, because she's got one of the best laughs in the history of laughs. I also have an attitude that is extremely similar, although ideologically, we don't share much of the same outlook. She's still a pretty cool lady.

The woman is a huge part of my life, and I am lucky to be her favorite child. :P