Sunday night, we decided we'd have a crabparty. Me, Smang and Bebe all needed to get out of the house and have some fun. We went to Big Shucks. We were on the patio, having some laughs. As I went to refill my root beer, they called our name. I nodded to the girls and yelled, "I got it!" I set my cup on the counter, and grabbed our three pounds of crab legs. As I headed back to the patio, I paused at the door. There were no less than five small children, playing right next to the door. I put my bodacious booty on the door, and slowly pushed. I got the door halfway open, and I put my foot against the bottom of the door to hold it open. I stopped moving. As I angled my body sideways, to finish opening the door, there was an unbelievably loud "SMACK". I remained frozen, looking helplessly toward Beebs and Smang. Smang immediately started shaking her head and saying "you didn't do it! you didn't do it!" The little boy climbed into his mom's lap (she was sitting there, next to thedoor, watching the whole thing and having no problem with her kids playing by the goddamned door!) and lets out the wail of the pitiful. I seriously wanted to die.

me: Is he all right?

the mom: he's fine.

me: are you sure?

the mom: yes, he's fine.

the boy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I still had three pounds of legs carefully balanced on my arms. I walked over to the table. Bebe took the crablegs from me. I sat down. I wanted to cry. I think my lower lip might have quivered. I cannot express to you how much noise it made when this kid hit the door.

He came to our table about 15 minutes later. He asked us what we were eating. I held up a claw. He didn't seem to remember that I had been the one at the door. He didn't seem remember the incident at all. Which is either an indicator that he's going to be just fine. Or that he has serious brain damage.