Last night, at table 17, I had two lesbians. I know they were lesbians because even if they hadn't told me, one of them had on: rainbow jelly rings, a gemstone rainbow ring, rainbow jelly bracelets, and rainbow anklets...on both ankles. They perused our wine selection. One category (the Napa cabs) is described on the list as "sexy". They asked me which was the sexiest. I replied "the Veraison, definitely. It's got a beatuiful garnet color, a deep black cherry and cassis top note, and the finish is...a kick." and then I took my leg, and kicked myself in the butt. They giggled and got two glasses. We go on and on. I tell them about some other wines. One of them tells me that she's a vegetarian. I sell them some food. We talk. I have fun with all of my tables, but without being at the table or in your face constantly. At the end, I can see that they're going to want to take home the leftover five cheese pizza, stilton and crabcakes. I make two boxes. One with meat in it, one without. I write on the lid which is which. I jokingly write "no crabs were harmed in the making of this pizza" on the vegetarian's box, and sign it. Anyhoodle, they're having fun. I am having fun (side note: thanks, Dev for pouring chocolate shots). I bring them the bill. The alpha lesbian pays. As they're leaving I say, "good night and thanks for sitting with me, girls." Alpha Lesbian says "I left you a note on the bill." She sure did. The credit card receipt reads "You're hot. Capital hot. We enjoyed the kick in the ass. Thanks sexy!" They tipped me 25% and were the most fun table I had all night. If I were gay, I would totally have a date for this weekend. But, as I am straight, it was just a fat tip and a fun table. :)