Dear Chik-Fil-A:
When I ask for extra pickles for my sandwich, please know that I mean more than one extra pickle slice. I'm looking for enough pickles to actually cover the diameter of the bun. It would be good if the fried chicken piece also covered the whole bun, but let's not quibble. Oh, and do the hot sauce packets get deducted from your drive-thru attendant's paycheck? Because, seriously, stop looking at me like I asked you for the blood of your nubile first-born. I just want two packets of tabasco: one for my sanwich and one for my small waffle fries. Oh, and while we're making requests, could I have fries that were cooked sometime after the Mesozoic era? I mean, they don't have to be fresh, although, that's when they're the best. And when I'm loading up on crap food, I want the best crap food possible. But yeah, I would appreciate some semi-warm, not-floppy waffle fries to go with my one extra pickle. Thanks for your attention.

Fatteningly,
Countess Anastasia Beaverhausen