Friday, November 05, 2010

My god, do I miss Lucy. It's unbelievable, this emptiness. I try to find her when I hear the postman, so she won't flip out. Or I will move my hand around to find her in bed before I open my eyes. Or, last night, I went to hang out at a friend's house. I was about to use the "I gotta go let Lu out" excuse when I realized, no I don't. I keep looking for her, but she's nowhere to be found.

I am in denial that all that remains of my beautiful companion is a box. I tried to look in the box, just to see what the ashes look like. Haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. I also had a mild meltdown when I couldn't find her collar. One of my friends had hidden it away, so I wouldn't have to look at it and be sad. Meanwhile, all I wanted was to look at it and think about her.

Oh, I need to order a new check card. My current one has a pic of Lu, smiling at the lake one afternoon. I have been surrounding myself with pics of her, but I can't look at that pic daily, and I use my check card on a daily basis.

I am moving through the stages of grief. There was inconsolable crying Monday & Tuesday. Yesterday was anger. Mad at everyone and everything. Today is denial. She's not really gone.

I wonder what tomorrow holds?