I have this hat. It's a green bucket hat. It says "Bob Schneider Lonelyland" on it, stitched in blue and white. Obvs, it's about five years old. I love this hat. It is actually the only hat I wear.

I wear it when it's raining. I wear it when I want to hide my face from the world. I wear it with hugemongous sunglasses, pulled way down on my head when I really want to be left alone. I wear it when I desperately need to have my roots done. I wear it when I'm just having a generally bad hair day. I wear it when I wear my green scrub-esque pants, because it matches. It is *my* hat.

Today, I wanted to wear my hat. I put away all the clothes on my dresser. It wasn't there. I moved the purses and blanket on the shelf, in the closet, around. It wasn't there, either. I started to panic. I looked in the laundry room. I looked in the passenger side door of my car. I looked in the trunk. I looked in the "office". I looked all over. And it wasn't anywhere. And, then I got upset. I got that thick throat and hot eyes feeling you get when you're about to cry. Over my hat, mind you. It's just that I have had it for a while, and I am overly attached to it.

Knowing that it wouldn't be the same, but it would at least be most like my hat, I ordered a similar hat from Bob's website. The stitching is orange instead of blue. So, yeah. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. You can guess what happened next, can't you? Yep. Found it! Tucked away behind some note cards, in the roll-top desk.

What will I do with two of them?